


Afraid

by sweetsun



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-06-05 02:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6685867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetsun/pseuds/sweetsun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"After all, he had what he wanted ; Blaine had left."  Set after the slushie incident - SECOND PART IS UP !</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, sooo I recently fell in love with The Neighbourhood and while I listened to "Afraid", a lot of feelings and inspiration came up - and it also made me think about my interpretation of Sebastian Smythe and his relationship with Blaine Anderson. So I really enjoyed writing this and I hope that you will like it too ! I would recommend you to listen to the song while reading this because it might help you get in the mood, but it's not necessary. 
> 
> (And also, I feel that there could be a follow up to this, but at the same time I liked the ending too, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see where my inspiration takes me. Let me know what you think !)

 

Sebastian Smythe hated himself. That was an established fact. But that day, he hated himself more than he ever did, because he had hurt the one person who actually cared about him at some point : Blaine Anderson. It was an accident, really. Sure, he wanted to scare him away by annoying his _stupid_ boyfriend Kurt, but he never meant to actually, physically, hurt the dark-haired boy. He never would. So here he was, sitting on this bed, overthinking the situation. At first, he didn't realize that his music mix was still playing on his computer, but he had no choice than to recognize the chorus of **Afraid** by The Neighbourhood.

 

_All my friends always lie to me  
I know they're thinking_

  _You're too mean_  
_I don't like you_  
_Fuck you anyway_

 

The lyrics went straight to his mind while the memories got tangled in an emotional wave ; Sebastian closed his eyes, trying to get his head out of it, but the words had hit too close to home and were now controlling his thoughts. His heart was pounding way too fast as he slid on his bedroom's floor and he felt nothing but panic rising in his chest.

 

_You make me wanna scream_  
_At the top of my lungs_

  _It hurts but I won't fight you_  
_You suck anyway_  
_You make me wanna die_

 

_Yeah, right._ He never did have a great reputation, so the fact that Blaine's friends or McKinley's students hated him was neither a surprise nor a disappointment. But thinking that Blaine, _his_ Blaine, one of the only friend he ever had, could hate him ? That he would probably never want to see him again ? That possibility nearly gave him a panic attack.

Sebastian had always done a really good job at pretending that he didn't care about other people's opinion about him, but somehow, Blaine broke that rule down. He wanted, _needed_ Blaine to like him. He wanted to make him proud ; maybe because Blaine believing in him was the only hope he had left that there he was, deep down, a decent person. Unfortunately, that hope had vanished the previous day and Sebastian was now left alone and shattered.

He deserved this, he knew he did. After all, he was to one to act like an asshole, he was the one pushing people away. He was the one making other people suffer because he couldn't take the own pain that he inflicted himself everyday.

But Blaine – Blaine deserved none of that ; he had a pure heart and was probably one of the kindest person on Earth. His smile could light up an entire room and give warmth to the coldest hearts, and that's exactly what he did to Sebastian. The taller boy had wanted to stay away from him, too afraid to break that innocence, that light that he would never get back himself. Blaine never backed down. Maybe he saw what nobody else did, maybe he noticed the cry for help in Sebastian's deep green eyes. And maybe Sebastian himself understood that Blaine saw what was under that mask he was wearing, and got scared that someone could be _that_ close to him. So _of course_ he had to ruin everything.

 

  _Being me can only mean_  
_Feeling scared to breathe_  
_If you leave me then I'll be afraid of everything_

 

In the end, he didn't even understand why he felt so upset, why there was a lump in his throat. After all, he had what he wanted ; Blaine had left.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back after a while ! I would love to say that it is officially a multi-chapters fiction, but as you witnessed, my inspiration comes and go and I don't wanna promise you guys something and then make you wait, so let's just see this as a series of one-shot ? I feel that every "chapter" has his own style, his own story to tell and I guess they could be read apart. But there should be - and will be, I hope - at least one more part to this !
> 
> Anyway, I hope that you will enjoy this ! I know, it's pretty dark. But never lose hope, am I right ? :)

_Sebastian didn't eat anything for two days straight._

_Sebastian barely slept for a week._

_Sebastian drunk way too much._

_Sebastian threw up three times._

_Sebastian skipped school several times._

_Sebastian sent Blaine seven texts._

_Sebastian blamed himself for fourteen days._

 

Fourteen days. It had been fourteen days since the incident and nothing had changed. Sebastian was hitting rock bottom, but why would that matter ?

 

_His mother was gone._

_His father was on a business trip._

_Blaine was out of his life._

Sebastian Smythe was alone, yet that shouldn't be a big deal. Loneliness had been creeping into his mind for a few years now, so he welcomed it as an old friend. Still, he didn't want to fall back into dark habits, so he set up a routine.

 

_Wake up_

_Have breakfast_

_Get dressed_

_Go to school_

_Avoid all contact_

_Pretend to be fine_

_Pretend not to care_

_Come home_

_Have dinner_

_Binge-watch some TV Show_

_Sleep_

_Repeat_

 

He learned it by heart, repeating it to himself several times through the day. It was all he could think about, all he wanted to think about. Routines were great. It gave him control. It allowed him not to be tempted to let him mind wander into dark places, to let his broken soul take control of his body. It kept his thoughts focused. It kept his life going on, and it was all that he needed right now. Because if he didn't, if he tried to get out of those habits...

Then he would get anxious. He would think about Blaine. He would think about his fucked-up existence. He would think about the hidden bottles in his father's office, he would think about the pills in his bathroom's cupboard. Really, he didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to get out of his routine.

 

However, on the fifteen days, while he was watching his fourth _How I met your mother_ episode in a row, he heard a knock coming from the entrance. Sebastian got up, ran a hand through his messy hair, and opened the door. As soon as he caught a glimpse of Blaine's hazel eyes, he felt his heart miss a beat and a knot came up in his throat. He opened his mouth but found himself unable to speak.

His visitor was wearing a sweatshirt and his hair was let down in beautiful curls, the way Sebastian loved it so much. Blaine gave the taller boy a tiny smile before pronouncing the words he came there to say.

 

"I'm sorry, Bas."

 

Sebastian felt tears threatening to fall down. He wasn't sure why. Was it the exhaustion, was it the relief of seeing his friend again ? Was it the breakdown he had been holding in for so long ?

He couldn't keep the sob from escaping his lips as he sat down on his porch. Blaine took place next to him a few seconds later and held his hand briefly.

They had a long talk coming.

 


End file.
